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“The insufficient”
Gonçalo reis

It wasn’t anyone's fault. It was a choice uniquely my nobody had any part in it, it's actually something I've been thinking about for a long time but I've never had the courage to do it, you know? Life for me has never been something interesting, to study, to work, to have a career? a family? What if I don’t get any of it? Did I fail to be a human being? I don’t know, they always judged me for not caring about the future, I was just the person who wanted everyone on the "wheel" to smile with the things I said. But if I wasn’t in the "wheel" it wouldn’t make any difference either, I don’t know... but I also never had so many friends by my side, I always was the same, I was always the person who went behind to talk and insist with the person that I loved the most in this life, I always had to talk, my head never endured the crazy things that happened there, thinking alone is something very bad, you create thousands of situations unattainable, also never thought of trivia. Failure to deal with pain hurts more than pain itself. Life has no meaning when you don’t look for meaning in life and I am one of those people who never had the curiosity to look for the "interest" of life, it never made sense to me, I always was that fucking person who walked alone in school, I would eat alone and see all of the people of school happy and be the only one in the middle of that whole crowd without anyone, fucked right? I was never enough for anyone, or for the person I thought he loved me and who would never leave me alone, because I was afraid of losing that person because he was the only one I had in my life and now that she's gone, I'm more? But I've never gotten used to seeing people actually going through my life, but this one left me with a huge pain inside me and makes me write it and do it, but I said that it wasn’t my fault and that it was my decision, maybe I will lie, I don’t know, but they understand how they want. No one actually cared about me before doing this, now what do I worry? In fact the person who hurt me the most in this life will have a sense of guilt within themselves and stay for the rest of their lives, that person knows. What I feel the most sorry right now is how my family will react to it, I don’t really know, because they don’t always seem to like me, I always thought so, but that doesn’t mean they didn’t like me, right? At this very moment I feel guilty and pain in my heart, but from the many attempts I've had, it doesn’t work out. It's sad to see that person you love is shitting for you, it ends with you, it's in the best life and I fucking listen to the names that she calls me, humiliate you and push you to do that, but anyway. A few days back I cut myself so that the pain was only in the wrists and not inside me, solved in something? I thought it was, at the exact moment the pain passed but came back the day to make sure, I never thought to do it in my life, if it weren’t for a friend of mine to come to me and take the glass of my hand, it would probably be that day that everything had happened. Normal, I feel bad psychologically and physically with everything not only because the relationship has hit, also because of the problems I had in school, but sorry there, already gave what had to give. write this so that you understand that we are nothing from one day to another. I have to thank everyone for supporting me in everything, I don’t know few but precious and if I can‘t do it.. I don’t know, thanks for everything even ❤️

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